1. |
||||
|
there's a lump in the back of my throat. hope i hit the right note when i tell you that i think you should go. i'm just scared that you'll never be free. what the hell you want with me? can't you see that i am set to blow?
i don't want you caught in that explosion. isn't that devotion?
there you are in the front of my car. we don't really have that far to go yeah we'll be there before long. there's a sign on highway one. it says "run run run run run, little darling, run."
and i'd run halfway across the ocean. isn't that devotion?
at your house, i drop you off. turn left and cough, hear the door slam and then you are gone. and i'm alone with my AM tuner. some dumb crooner sings some old-fashioned love song.
i can't quite handle that emotion. isn't that devotion?
|
||||
2. |
Up To You
02:56
|
|||
|
chasing klonopin with vodka and i'm quoting frank sobotka: we used to make shit here, but it's been an unproductive year. and i see your latest suitor on the screen of my computer. you're in a subway station and i just want to punch his face in.
i'm a creep and i'm a wreck. tie a rope around my neck. it's a leash or a noose, guess it's up to you to choose.
i've been drinking too much cider, and i've been playing with my lighter, watching x-men 2 'cause there really ain't much else to do. and i've been sleeping through my classes and i've been wearing dark sunglasses even when i'm inside so i can always close my eyes.
i'm a creep and i'm a wreck. tie a rope around my neck. it's a leash or a noose, guess it's up to you to choose.
it's gonna take a lot of love to get me over all of this repulsion. and it's you i'm dreaming of. i'm gonna text you when i'm driven by impulsion. it's compulsionary now, gotta get to you somehow.
i've been smoking all these spirits. there's a song but i can't hear it. it's just background noise 'cause i can only hear your voice. a voice i haven't heard in ages, and yet it's screaming from the pages of every book i read yeah you are really all i need
i'm a creep and i'm a wreck. tie a rope around my neck. it's a leash or a noose, guess it's up to you to choose.
|
||||
3. |
Mouldy
02:53
|
|||
|
this is not a perfect question, but i'll ask it anyway: was i in your dream last night after you saw me yesterday? and i know that i am awful, and i know i treat you bad, but what does your subconscious mind think of those couple weeks we had?
don't know what to believe, i just need you to hold me. left my heart on my sleeve, now it's getting all moldy. so, you wanted to leave? i just wish that you'd told me. left my heart on my sleeve, now it's getting all moldy.
and i'm running out of reasons to get up out of bed. just keep replaying through my mind all of those stupid things we said. we talked a lot. i used to lie. but, what the hell did you expect? you see i'm just a mortal guy….
you got a new man. i don't wanna know his name. i know sam the toucan. i guess he's probably the same. i heard he does coke. i guess he follows his nose. he's got a big bill in every single bar where he goes. in every bar he goes to….
|
||||
4. |
Uh Oh
02:50
|
|||
|
uh-oh here comes another anxiety attack. i've been waiting here beneath the covers for you to come on back. or maybe my friend Death will take me from behind the wall of sleep. i dunno it's just that lately i've been feeling like a creep or a weirdo. a real fucking zero.
uh-oh my heart's in pieces spread across my floor. can't write my senior thesis, i just don't care anymore. and every time i pick up my pen, it's to write another song. something dumb about how i've been lonely for too long and it's not fair. and you don't care.
and every single time i come up with some new rhyme, it seems it's one that i have heard before. and every single work that i have ever heard i'm gonna shout until my throat gets sore. i'm gonna shout, but you can't hear me anymore. so what the hell am i still shouting for?
uh-oh i'm getting existential once again. time's up put down your pencils, we have reached the end. and every day's another test that i am bound to fail. i get this pain within my chest whenever i inhale and i can't breathe. I'm getting antsy….
|
||||
5. |
Desperate
02:56
|
|||
|
i know you know i'm free this friday night. i really wish you'd tell me what you're doing. you say you have a date, well that's all right…if it's with me yeah screw that guy you're screwing
if you just gave me a chance, i'm sure i could be your man. i don't wanna sound desperate, but i am. if you can't find pity for me please find someone who can. i don't wanna sound desperate, but i am….
i know your friends all tell you i'm no good. your parents probably think that i am crazy. i know i don't like sports much as i should, but i got strong opinions 'bout Scorsese….
you know i'd give an arm, a leg, an ear if we could just go to the same fiesta. just you and me and a thirty of cheap beer. if there's something going down, let's go get messed up….
|
||||
6. |
||||
|
it fucking hurts. feels good to let that out, 'cause i've been telling everyone i'm okay. no matter what they ask about. they're like, "why the hell did you slam the door?" i say, "she didn't really make me that mad." they ask, "what'd you get for number four?" i say, "she didn't really hurt me that bad, yeah this is just a phase. i'm gonna be okay."
it fucking hurts. feels good to get that off my chest. 'cause it's been bearing down so hard on my heart that i can't get an ounce of rest. it's like every night before i go to sleep, i gotta take a couple Advil PMs. they don't help with the pain, it's just without 'em nights are too damn intense and i stay awake telling myself i'm okay.
it fucking hurts. feels good to let somebody know. it's like it's so hard just to find somebody and it's harder still to let them go. i feel like i'm going crazy, like i'm obsessive as can be. i need somebody to tell me that there's nothing wrong with me. i need you to say that i'm gonna be okay.
|
||||
7. |
Kiss And Tell
03:06
|
|||
|
night started going so much better than i'd planned, when i saw you standing there. i think some people saw us leaving hand in hand, but i ain't saying that i care. all i cared about right then was you and me finding a place to be alone. everything was progressing so rapidly - no moss on a rolling stone.
we shared a Popov flask and a cigarette. i put your number in my cell. everyone's been asking if i got dome yet, but i ain't one to kiss and tell.
ever since that evening i've been feeling ill. can't seem to get you off my mind. i've been wondering if you want me still or if you left that night behind. i don't really know so i assume the worst. i must've been a big mistake. now your magic's less a blessing than a curse. affection just makes my heart ache….
need new material for verse number three. i was hoping you could help me out. would you like to come and see a film with me? don't even care what it's about. i can't think of nothing that i can't sit through: a talking dog, Keanu Reeves. i'll see anything as long as it's with you. baby go out with me, please….
|
||||
8. |
Triggers
02:01
|
|||
|
sometimes i just have to say, "oh my god. you're gone and i can't believe it's true." you know that i went through my whole iPod, deleting everything that reminded me of you. now all i'm left with are a couple heavy metal tracks. the wounds you left itch and all i can do is scratch.
sometimes i ask myself, "oh, why'd she leave me?" you used to love me then you stopped. and now i can't even turn on the tv: i might catch a movie that we watched (and i can't face that). all these triggers and the guns seem to point at me. the weight gets bigger and it crushes me violently.
and now i have some time to write my novel, but i just can't take out your name. and every night ends with an empty bottle. and every day begins the same: i awaken from a dream that i liked to face the day and i am less than psyched.
|
||||
9. |
Heat Death
03:10
|
|||
|
let the shit pile up, then i throw it at the fan. i'd tell you all about my problems, but i doubt you'd understand. 'cause they're not real yeah they're imaginary just like all my friends. it makes me glad everything ends.
i go out to have a smoke and wind up crying on the roof. things ain't going all that well for me, if you wanna know the truth. though i always try to smile it gets harder to pretend that i'm not glad it's gonna end.
when the night comes closing in, i think of all the things i did. another day without a win, another stupid fucked-up kid.
always falling behind schedule always falling through the floor. even when i try my best it seems i gotta try some more. when this life that i've been living gets a little too intense, just makes me glad everything ends….
|
||||
10. |
A Bit Too Long
02:58
|
|||
|
it's been a bit too long. i should've gotten over you by now, but i'm not quite sure on how that can be done. now that you are gone, it seems to me that everything i do is just reminding me of you, no it ain't no fun.
they say time can heal a broken heart and time is all i've had, but you and i spending time apart is just making me feel sad.
it went a bit too fast. i wouldn't even say i knew you well, but you sure as hell because i'm still there. i'm living in the past. and it seems to me you're in the present tense. and it don't make that much sense. baby, don't you care?
they say time can heal a broken heart and time is all i've had, but you and i spending time apart is just making me feel sad.
i know that i don't have the right to be so broken-hearted. i know this thing was over long before it even started. i know, but it feels good to wallow and to sing your praises. 'cause i see your features in each one of all these strangers' faces…
|
||||
11. |
I Saw Her Sitting There
02:47
|
|||
|
there you are, over there, right next to that empty chair and i'm not scared, though i'll admit i'm nervous. here i go. i make my move and though i don't know what to do, i'm feeling smooth, like a performer in the circus.
i saw you sitting there, thought you might need some company. saw you sitting there. you looked lonely as hell. i saw you sitting there and thought you might like to sit next to me. i saw you sitting there, so i sat down as well.
so i sit down and i say "hey." say "it's a real nice day today." what can i say? i don't wanna come off creepy. you just smile and say "hello." i say "you're looking kinda low," and you say, "no. no, i'm just a little sleepy." i say….
well okay here we are. how i long for my guitar. it's in the car or else i'd sing you something catchy. something i'll write on the spot about how i think you're hot or maybe not. i don't want you angry at me. so i'll sing….
|
||||
12. |
||||
|
i dreamed i was living out in Brisbane and you called me up long distance, told me you were finally through with that dumb boy. so naturally i got on the next plane and then thirty seconds later i was standing by your side in Illinois.
and i don't need no Sigmund Freud to tell me what i'm going through. i think i just need to avoid thinking these stupid thoughts of you. i might not see you again, and i've got to come to terms with that, but til then i'll just pretend that my heart ain't broken. i'll pretend my heart is still intact.
i think i'd probably only hurt you if we ever really got together and we tried this thing for real, but those nights out late after curfew i felt just about as good as any man could ever feel.
and i'd give just 'bout anything to feel half that good today, but you can't hear me when i sing: you're two thousand miles away. and no matter how i scream, my voice ain't traveling that far. well, at least i have that dream wherein i board a plane and fly real quick to wherever you are….
|
||||
13. |
So How Are Things?
03:52
|
|||
|
these days are empty. i can't hardly stand it. i never got the explanation i demanded. and now you're with him and i'm forgotten. i'm exhausted and my heart is growing rotten. it's all…
things are different now you're gone. you know, it hurts me so to see you moving on. yet i see you're moving on. you know, it hurts me when i see you're moving on.
but it's whatever. i keep busy. i think about you and i walk around the city. i duck in bookstores and sit on benches. i crash some parties and i hop over some fences it's all…
things are different now you're gone. i get real drunk and i pass out on someone's lawn. yeah i pass out on the lawn. i get real drunk and i pass out on the lawn.
you left me hollow. you left me broken. i've got some words for you i'd better leave unspoken, but i will sing them and i'll record 'em. i'll send 'em off to you: it helps to fight the boredom it's all…
things are different now you're gone. i choke on irony if i sing a happy song. i can't sing a happy song. i'd be a hypocrite if i sang a happy song.
things are different now you're gone. things are different now. i want things to stay the same, but they're all different. i want you close to me but you're so distant. things are different now.
|
||||
14. |
These Songs
01:54
|
|||
|
these songs don't work. no they don't seem to get across the way you make me feel and the weight of all this loss. i'm not tryna get you back i'm just tryna carry on. so i write another stupid, angsty song. yeah i write another stupid, angsty song.
these songs don't work. no they just hammer in the pain. get this feeling on my cheeks like i've been standing in the rain and then i get this sudden urge to wipe some water from my eye when i think about the time you said goodbye. when i sing about the time you said goodbye.
i know three chords and i can write a melody, but that don't help me get over this misery. i am dying. i'm deathly ill and drowning too. it's all my fault: my songs don't mean a damn to you.
these songs don't work 'cause when they're bringing up the past, they just serve to remind me that it all went by so fast and though i have more than enough to fill a solid-length cd, that don't change the fact that you're not here with me. nothing can change the fact that you're not here with me.
these songs don't help. no, they just seem to make it worse. i'll trade in my Volvo wagon for a brand spanking new hearse and baby i don't wanna drive yeah you can stick me in the back as i try and find salvation in this track. yeah i try and find salvation in this track.
|
||||
Rencils
If you like Rencils, you may also like:
Well Soon
by Walter Mitty and his Makeshift Orchestra
Summer sounds from San Luis Obispo just waiting for a backyard BBQ, mason jar cocktails, and fairy lights.
go to album
Seawheel
by David Lonton-Baxter
”Seawheel Acoustic” delivers captivating melodies and heartfelt lyrics in songs that are equal parts soothing and enchanting.
go to album
Once Upon A Time In Montréal
by Murray A. Lightburn
The folk artist explores grief through these smooth and soulful tracks.
go to album
Britpop sophistication meets electropop ear-candy on the sultry new album from Glasgow's C Duncan.
go to album
Gorgeous synth-soaked electropop with cover art to match from Glasgow's C Duncan.
go to album
featured on Bandcamp Radio Jan 19, 2016
go to album
featured on Bandcamp Radio Oct 27, 2015
go to album
